tim.....

When he was little, his parents had gotten divorced. He did not know what was going on, and so he accepted it as it was. Everything fell into routine for him. Only getting to see and go out with his mother once every two weeks, being alone most of the time and nobody's hand to hold when he wakes up. Initially he could not sleep well, as he was afraid of being alone in the room, and so he would page for his father every night until the page was returned and was assured by him that he was coming home soon. And so, he was alone.

Circumstances forced him to grow up fast. Well, a little too fast. He had to learn everything on his own. Nobody taught him how to tie his shoe-laces, nobody taught him how to cook noodles, nobody taught him how to cope being alone. The most important thing that he could not understand is why his mother isn't by his side. When he went to school, he thought that it was normal to not see their mother's so often. He thought that everybody was going through the same thing as him. Oh how was he wrong.

The thing is, he has never blamed anyone. He just accepted it.

The problem with growing up too fast is that he does not know how to deal with his emotions properly. All he did was put it aside. And as he grew up, things were quite difficult for him to grasp. He has had problems with his relationships. Sometimes he just got too close, sometimes he wasn't close enough. He did not know how much space to give, as he felt that, "Ah! Finally, i have someone to be with, and I do not want to let go of this." At other times, "Oh no. I cannot be so close to somebody. It just feels wrong." Boy, was he one confused kid. I guess that is the reason why none of his relationships has lasted more than three months. But he just accepted it, and soldiered on.

He always has a mask on. Seldom do you actually see his true face. He does not do it on purpose, I think its just necessary for him to put on a fake front. So that he does not get hurt. Even if he is hurting, he would not let anyone know. Most of the time, there are simply put, two sides to him. A light side and a dark side. He feels that he has a dual nature. He is a good person, yet a bad one at the same time. He wants to live life, but yearns to die. He seems happy, but is tuly sad. He is a pessimist, but still hopes. He is a dreamer and yet he knows that his dreams will not come true. That is sad. Is it not?

-tim-