thoughts

when i fall in love, i wish it to be forever.... doesn't everybody? the thing is i can give in so whole heartedly.... but sometimes i don't know why i choose to just break things up.... it has happened 3 times already... more or less no rhyme or reason.... i regret every single time and i think of the past quite often.... sometimes i do not know whats wrong with me.... if only i could turn back time and stop myself from making those mistakes, for regretting.... i do not want to regret anything i do... i try not to but can't help it...

i remembered my good friend used to tell me that i was over sensitive and should apologise and make up with the girl.... but i was too hard headed to listen.... it was over something so simple and yet at that time i couldn't let it go... its hard to revisit these rough patches of my life, but i seem to think of it more and more of late.... right now, i am thinking of the past.... nothing of the present or the future.... well.... future slightly, like getting my own place to stay, work and studies.... but i digress....

there are these moments of lonliness/ emptiness.... and i'm sure everyone knows how sucky it is... last night as i tossed and turned before going to sleep, so many thoughts went through my head... and yet... today i can't remember any of it and am thinking of other thoughts... i often tell other people not to think too much, but i guess i end up thinking too much myself... so much for good advice huh.....

but what is there to do? i realised that i can't do anything about it at all... i'm going to let the past catch up with me if it does.... i'm not going to chase after it... it is but a dream... but i hope that maybe sweet memories can revisit me once again... but once again i shouldn't expect so much... lol... thats another thing which i keep telling myself as well... lol...

all i can do is live the present... leading this deadbeat, boring present.... again its stagnating.... the past few days were bearable, but what about the next few days? whatever ya.... the future? i can't wait to go uni... back to skool.... to socialise, meet new people... make new friends.... to just have a change in the relentlessly monotonous life which i'm leading now....

oh i digress.... i feel that what i'm writing is like being directly transleted from thoughts... no extra showy english and all that crap... everything word i think up is just typed out.... so... my thoughts as u can see tend to wander about quite easily lol....

i hope that everything will go well tomorrow, and that it will be bearable.... it will most probably be most forgettable but i'm not too worried about it...

thank u all for listening.... thank you and goodnight....