4th of July

so once again, ive polished off another depressing and dark book.... the title of the book that i read is "After Dark" by Murukami or something.... i don't know how i find these books... perhaps i have this special depressing magnetic aura... and thus books which are in tune to my aura are drawn to me and thus i am drawn to them..... i recently purchased veronika decides to die again... becase i cannot remember who i lent it to and its one of my fav books.... anyway...

after reading the book.. i was like super affected by it.... i was downright depressed man.... and i wanted to tell somebody how i feel at that time... but there was like nobody whom i could tell.... pathetic rite.... i realised that there isnt anyone whom i am particularly close to.... that i could share my innermost insecurities and feelings... well... she is overseas anyway.... which sucks.... lol....

my metaphysical heart, or my soul as i like to call it was feeling drained... empty..... and at the same time feels heavy.... and having nobody to talk to made me feel worse actually.... at that point of time... i really felt this sense of being alone... like totally suddenly... i mean... im used to the fact that i am lone most of the time.... but at that moment... it hit me.... and it stung.....

and guess what.... i have the sudden urge to just disappear again for awhile... maybe retreat to the east and hide there until his bad patch of my life passes? i dunno... i really dunno.... feeling a little frustrated lately.... sigh....

HOWEVER.... all this could be just attributed to the book i jus read..... maybe its just making e feel all this and thus all this feelings will disappear tomorrow morning.... *crosses fingers*

colour from my soul draining away

from a brackish darkness bled into transperancy

empty and heavy at the same time

a nothingness, a void

i have come to comprehend

i have to understand and live this nothingness

who can understand me

where can i find you

how have you been