deathwish........

somebody please kill me.....

stab me in my chest.... run me over with a car... put it in reverse and make sure i'm dead.... gorge my eyes out and let me bleed to death.... slit me a hundred times..... cut me across my throat..... slit my wrist and feel my pulse as it slowly fades away.....

i think i would rather die slowly bleeding to death.... watching my own blood pooling about me.... seeing my skin grow pale.... feeling my life force slowly bleed away..... feeling myself slipping away into uncosciousness.... it will probably feel as if im growing very heavy.... and i will tire out really fast..... but i guess i will still know that im dying and i will understand it as each second passes as each grain of sand trickles down the hourglass of my life..... and who knows... maybe as i die, my soul will be free and i can just watch my own body grow limp and dead..... i can observe everything i would want to and do anything i wish, of course by anything i mean mea-physically and not physically.... because if i meant it physically it would mean i would still need my flesh and blood and my body to function and all that trivialties.... but no... that isnt what i mean... u get it don't u?

is it so bad to wish for death? i mean there has to be some benefits to it right? i mean... why would people kill themselves in the first place? definately there has to be some good reason.... and the death itself must definately outweigh the possibilites of having to live and the problems e face while living.... i mean... isnt it true that we begin to die the minute that we are born? the moment we are born it is inevitable that we die.... and all that thing about its not about life but how u live it crap just doesnt appeal to me at all.... NOT AT ALL.... so what use is there to live isnt it better off that we just understand what life is about and then just go away? i mean i dont think its possible that we can truly understandour reason for existance..... if someone truly can then could this someone come up to me and enlighten me? doesnt life just suck and no matter what we ty to do about it.... it will just suck still? i mean... sure... u can make it a little better.... maybe be a little more narcissistic but in the end it doesnt really matter now does it? well? does it? fruitless... pointless pointless pointless......

anyway.... when the day comes... i will gladly die.... but i do not want to end my life myself u see.... i would rather somebody kill me then i take my own life....it seems too much of a waste.... if someone else takes it... im sure then life has a greater meaning to it... to the person who took my life or to the people around me anyway.....

im dreadfully sorry if i seem so pessimistic or so pathetic to u... but i really do not care... this is how i feel and who are u to tell me otherwise? i have a deathwish... will u be my killer?

pleasure with pain... who understands it?